Frightened
When the neighborhood bully dragged me out of my house and whipped me with the pine branches in our front yard.
Hopeless
When I felt his knee on my chest as I struggled to breathe—my Asthma was flaring up again.
Terrified
When more kids surrounded us in a circle egging me on to “fight” while filming it.
Relieved
When a car drove by our street and everyone darted back to their houses.
Helpless
When the bully pulled me aside and said, “real men don’t cry”. And threatened to release the video if I snitched.
Afraid
When I was home alone.
Ashamed
When my parents asked me why I had whip marks on my arms and legs. I told them, “we were just playing games.” —Because real men suck it up.
Insecure
When I entered 5th grade that following summer with zero friends.
Deflated
When I found out that zero friends = easy target
Smart
When I learned to keep my mouth shut. Because the less I talked, the less reason they have to pick on me.
Resentful
When I sat alone at the lunch table gazing at my classmates sharing jokes with each other.
Excited
When the new kid, Stanly, sat next to me. He was new best friend. I shared everything with him.
Sad
When a week later he stone-walled me because the bullies threatened to isolate him socially.
Betrayed
When Stanly made friends with my bullies.
Naïve
When all of my secrets spilled out from his mouth. This is what you get for sharing.
Vengeful
When I decided to stand up for myself and challenged one of the bullies to a fight after school.
Optimistic
When I beat him.
Defeated
When the bullying got even worse.
Powerless
When I switched schools in 7th grade and new bullies appeared—no matter how much I minded my own business.
Inspired
When my English Teacher, Mrs. Cruz, wrote the word CHANGE in big bold white chalk on the board. She taught me about the power of words and how they helped her become the first in her family to graduate.
Bullish
When I devoured Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends & Influence People” as a teenager. It jumpstarted my love for self help… and my love for words.
Determined
When I joined every club possible in Highschool to change myself. Orchestra, Latin, Envirothon, Organizing Committees, Debate… I wouldn’t walk home until the custodians kicked us out for staying too late.
Bittersweet
When 4 years later, I stared at my Full-Ride acceptance letter to St. Edwards— ready to escape this place and everyone in it.
Dejected
When I nearly flunked Freshman English and almost lost my scholarship because I didn’t know how to use commas correctly.
Thrilled
When I got accepted to the 2 year Dual-Degree program in Beppu, Japan.
Regretful
When I dragged my sleep-deprived body on a 1 hour commute every morning to my Japanese classes. Perhaps moving half way across the world to study liberal arts wasn’t the brightest idea I ever had.
Proud
When me and my best friends signed our first apartment. My bedroom was 3.5 tatami (slightly larger than a ping pong table). Years later, I found out it was illegal for the realtor to advertise the apartment as 3BR because my room was technically a closet.
Accepted
When I looked around and saw myself surrounded by people who actually care about me.
Eager
When I started my first word press blog to record all my memories in Japan.
Embarrassed
When I quit the blogging project for the 5th time in a row that year.
Reckless
When I climbed Mount Fuji with my best friend as a farewell trip—and almost died.
Crushed
When I cried my eyes out at the boarding gate preparing to leave behind my new family.
Lonely
When I returned to Texas for senior year.
Numb
When I smoked weed everyday to distract from the loneliness.
Lost
When I finally checked off the “graduate college” box.
Desperate
When I booked a one way flight to Vietnam. Dressed up in my one over-sized suit. Met the CEO of my dream startup. And begged him for a job at the company.
Discouraged
When he waved me off and told me to send my info to HR.
Deflated
When I didn’t hear back for 2 months.
Shocked
When I found out that HR lost my application, so I reapplied and interviewed. Twice.
Devoted
When I passed my TEFL certification to teach and started taking any odd jobs I could for experience.
Worried
When I landed the job at my dream company, but I had to teach math not English.
Motivated
When I started publishing again on Medium to share my adventures abroad.
Ashamed
When I stopped writing after a couple of weeks.
Inadequate
When I failed the interview for my dream job to become an admissions counselor. My writing skills were too weak.
Annoyed
When my parents ended every phone call with, “Return home and stop wasting time in Vietnam.”
Doubtful
When I decided to stay another year and give the admissions job another shot.
Ashamed
When I told people I was a “writer” at parties… but I only published one post a year.
Bitter
When I saw everyone else around me making strides in their life while I was going nowhere. Maybe I should return home.
Envious
When I doom-scrolled on Twitter ‘til 4am one night reading about all the overnight successes and folks going viral, wondering… why can’t that be me?
Frustrated
When I spent hours writing a Beyonce thread for her birthday. I was sure it was going to be viral, and it flopped hard. I learned that trends only last for so long.
Reluctant
When I opened up my Medium account for the first time in a year and saw 22+ unpublished drafts.
Aspired
When I joined Ship30for30 an online writing challenge because I was tired of quitting.
Determined
When I finished 30 days of writing for Ship30
Encouraged
When I finished 60 days, then 90 days, then 120+.
Stunned
When I saw my first Gumroad sale notification ever for a jaw-dropping $9.
Nervous
When I started Day One Creators with a simple logo generator and a Free Substack account in under an hour.
Surprised
When a newsletter reader scheduled a call with me and told me how much I inspired her to begin writing as well.
Exhilarated
When I received an offer for the first time ever, to become a ghostwriter because of one of my Twitter essays.
Disbelief
When more and more referrals kept coming in asking me to write for them.
Confident
When I launched my first shitty website ever on a bare-bones Notion doc with my writing. It was all me.
Ecstatic
When my admission students, I was coaching at the company, got into their dream schools with full-rides. They’ll be the first in their families to attend college. Yes.
Grateful
When a fellow digital writer tapped on my shoulder to become a direct response copywriter at her agency. I guess she liked my writing?
Gutsy
When I said, “No thank you,” to doubling my salary as a counselor. I left Vietnam 1 week later after spending 4 years teaching there.
Intimidated
When I realized I had to pay $9,000 dollars for a copywriting course as part of the new job.
Frenzied
When I began writing myself out of debt.
Overwhelmed
When I stayed up late at night rewriting landing pages, emails, and sequences over and over.
Devastated
When all of my writing was erased by the copy chief because it wasn’t good enough.
Exhausted
When I spent hours one night reading research articles on the benefits of Vitamin C for aging, sagging skin—trying to come up with new “angles” for a skincare brand. I wondered… what the hell am I doing with my life?
Satisfied
When one of the clients complimented my email.
Empty
When I realized I didn’t enjoy copywriting anymore, or writing at all.
Foolish
When I quit my copywriting job with no plan B.
Adrift
When I spent 4 months without a job, crashing at my parents’ house.
Elated
When the founders of Ship30 reached out for me to write a featured blog post. My first guest piece.
Invigorated
When I joined Build In Public Mastery and launched HungryWriters. I ended up winning 3rd place in a no-code contest!
Zealous
When I decided to coach other writers to get started on the journey as well. And found a coach to help me.
Persistent
When I hopped on call after call talking to every writer possible.
Energized
When I saw my client’s eyes light up in the first session.
Amazed
When they told me that they’d be more than willing to pay for my services.
Changed
When I discovered that, yes you CAN write online, make $$$ from your words, and truly express yourself.
Happy
When, at 26 years old, I look back at that frightened kid, too terrified to share his thoughts—too scared to speak up—build such an amazing life for himself.
I’ve launched a podcast, multiple websites, and created more art this past year, than I ever did my entire life—simply because I started. I’ve made incredible friends that have encouraged me. I’ve met magnificent mentors that have guided me…
And hopefully, when I’m an old man lying on his death bed, I’ll look back on this short speck of time I had on this tiny spinning space-rock and say the following:
I’ve lived. I’ve really fucking lived.
Because… every fear, every tremble, every trepid shake. Every joyous occasion. Every triumphant win. Every time I asked myself… CAN I REALLY DO THIS? Every moment that small voice inside my head screams out of fear, “Don’t share that shit!” and I did it anyways… is proof to me that I’m not hiding from life anymore.
To the reader:
All we have are the stories we tell ourselves. Whether we fail. Whether we succeed. Whether we suffer. At the end of the day, we are the authors of our own life-story.
So why not start writing it?
Till next week!
Brian “Happy” To
The 80 Emotions of An Aspiring Writer: My Story
Really awesome way to showcase your journey, Brian. I had to chuckle at the Vitamin C/sagging skin part haha.
Here’s to more writing that makes you come alive!